If you really want to mess up your marriage, have an affair.

It’s probably the worst thing you can do. Even though we all know this, why do so many men and women have extramarital relationships? Why is this becoming more and more common?

According to Kurt Bubna, Sr. Pastor of Eastpoint Church in Spokane Valley, American men involved in extramarital affairs at least once in their lives range from 22% to 75%; estimates for women range from 14% to 60%. Kurt also says that 74% of men and 68% of women say they would have an affair if they knew they would never be caught.

Heres the prescription for an affair that Kurt Bubna put together for those who really want to ruin everything.

First, ignore all reasonable and wise boundaries with the opposite sex. Go out for coffee or better yet for lunch or dinner with a co-worker of the opposite sex under the guise of a “working meal.” Spend as much time as you can with this new “friend.”

Second, flirt because it’s fun. It’s best to use lots of flattery as well, and on a regular basis be sure to throw in a well-placed sexual innuendo or joke. With the advent of social media, this is easier than ever to do.

If you’re a woman, show as much skin as you can get away without appearing to be a loose woman. The low-cut top and the very short skirt work well. Oh, and don’t forget to bend over as much as possible to give the guys a good look at your … well, you know.

Guys, make sure you compliment this girl on a regular basis regarding how good she looks, smells, or smiles. Women like to be noticed and crave personal attention (especially if she’s not getting enough compliments from her husband; he’s probably a loser anyway.).

When the accidental physical contact happens or you have the chance for a lingering and full-body hug, take advantage of it, and make sure it’s mutual. Get those pheromones flowing!

Next, as often as possible, share your deepest fears, thoughts, or feelings with the opposite sex. He or she will probably understand you better than your spouse. It is imperative that you create an emotional bond.

Men, counseling women alone is a great idea. Most women won’t let any guy into her pants until he’s entered into her heart.

Don’t forget to let your mind go crazy. Fantasize a lot. Imagine what it would be like to be with someone else … someone who is fun, exciting, and a little wild. “A lady on the street, and a freak in the sheets”.

Play with sexual thoughts as much as possible. Our bodies have a way of doing what we allow our minds to be saturated with. And for heaven’s sake, don’t tell anybody! Bringing something like this to the light will make you horribly uncomfortable. You don’t need anyone’s advice; they’ll just try to change your mind or hold you accountable. That’s ridiculous, right?

Last of all, and this is critical, complain about your spouse to your new friend and compare his or her amazing strengths and qualities to your spouse’s weaknesses as much as possible. That being said, be careful about seeming to be too negative or whining (nobody likes a killjoy).

By the way, when you’re finally ready to practice the wild onion together, rationalize it as true love. You can even spiritualize the experience by telling your new lover how you married the wrong person and how God has now given you the man or woman of your dreams. Pull the God-card to shut up your critics.

If you religiously follow the above suggestions, I can guarantee you “success”; you’ll have an affair in no time.

Of course, it will probably cost you your marriage, your ministry, a lot of money, your peace, your true joy, lots of holidays and priceless moments with your kids, possibly your faith and quite probably the respect and admiration of your family, co-workers, and friends. Be sure to count the cost.

One more fringe benefit, if you stay together with your new “best spouse ever” it’s highly likely that you’ll live in fear of him or her cheating on you someday. After all, they did it once; what’s to keep them from doing it again?

Isn’t this outrageous?

But maybe there’s a better way to live. Invest in your marriage with diligence. Stay true to your wedding vows. Delight in the spouse of your youth. Have fun. Be patient with your spouse. Get help early when marital problems arise. Remember that love is a choice more than an emotion. And if by chance you’ve failed along the way, run to God’s mercy and grace. It’s never too late to be forgiven and restored.

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Thanks for visiting the Nick Gonzalez Marriage Matters Blog. Nick and his wife, Marisol, have been married for 31 years. They live in Southern California and have four young adult children. Together, they help couples build strong marriages so they can enjoy healthy, passionate, and meaningful relationships. Browse around, signup for our updates, and enjoy your visit. Follow Nick on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

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