When it comes to marriage, you’ve got to LEARN how to communicate. If you don’t, you could be spinning your wheels for years, frustrated, trying to discover how to best connect with your spouse.

If you haven’t already read the book, The Five Love Languages, I highly recommend it. The author, Gary Chapman, talks about the five main ways to connect with your spouse. Once you figure it out, you will know how to communicate better.

Here’s a short description of the five love languages.

Words of affirmation – using words to build up the other person. “Thanks for taking out the garbage.” Not – “It’s about time you took the garbage out. The flies were going to carry it out for you.”

Gifts – a gift says, “He was thinking about me. Look what he got for me.”

Acts of Service – Doing something for your spouse that you know they would like. Cook ing a meal, washing dishes, vacuuming floors, are all acts of service.

Quality time – by which I mean, giving your spouse your undivided attention. Taking a walk together or sitting on the couch with the TV off – talking and listening.

Physical touch – holding hands, hugging, kissing, sexual intercourse, are all expressions of love.

Out of these five, you and your spouse have a primary love language. It means more to you than all the others. Discovering each other’s language and speaking it often is one of the best ways to keep love alive in a marriage.

Use the chart above to help you live out the love languages, pick the correct action, and know what to avoid.

If you really want to have some creative fun with your spouse, download the “Love Nudge” app free.

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Thanks for visiting the Nick Gonzalez Marriage Matters Blog. Nick and his wife, Marisol, have been married for 30 years. They live in Southern California and have four young adult children. Together, they encourage and inspire couples to build and strengthen their marriage and family. Follow Nick on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.